Bobby Bambino is a bad, bald, belligerent, blue Beluga balloon animal.
You would think by golly, Bobby Bambino was a bashful boy, brought up by a blessed bunch of Baptists belugas. But basic boyhood buttheads bittered Bobby.
The bullying was barbaric; bratty barracuda bellowed “Bobby’s buttery and bulbous” “blubber booty!” Even the bottlenoses joined “is that a blowhole or a butthole?!” Boarding school became unbearable. It was either become bulimic or become badass.
Bobby knew what he had to do. He banged out a brutal blueprint. His brainchild would be unbeatable: The Double Bubble Broad Barreled bubble blowing bazooka.
Bobby’s black heart was born. Working hand in hand with Spanish Bandits, he was buying barbiturates and bagging bricks of blow. Bobby buddied up with a band of bare knuckle boxing Badfish, brought up only by the best big wig boss, Hootie, the Blowfish down the block.
Bobby’s bros made him a Bumble to find something to pummel. Next thing you know, he found a buxom bunny, Barbara. Bonds blossomed. They banged boundlessly: behind the bleachers; bent over in the basement; in both of their bedrooms; in the backyard from behind; they even boinked in the butt!
From buddies with bennies to beloved Bae in no-time.
Unbeknownst to Bobby, Barbara became bored. She couldn’t bottle her thirst for bigger (and blacker) bratwurst.
Bobby brought home another bushel of buttercups and a bunch of butterscotch to surprise his boo. Bobby was blindsided by betrayal. Backstabbed in the breezeway, he beheld a brigade of basketball players balls deep in the snow bunny’s burrow. Ballistic back to back bone burial in her beaver boomed through the room. Seeing her beautiful box bashed was a bombshell. The bang of those babymakers boiled his blood.
Bobby was bamboozled; blinded by bouncing boobies and a bitchin’ sweet badonkadonk.
Bummed by the break up with the bleach blonde bitch Barbara, Bobby brought out his backup: the Double Bubble Broad Barreled bubble blowing bazooka. His boyhood belief would bring a brief beef.
Butterflies bellowed in his belly; a better dream was unforeseen… A bazillion bubbles barricaded bystanders, and a bauling Barbara at the barber becoming bald; the bubbles built bushes of bleach blonde bunches. A buzzcut was the bottom line. Barbara was a butt-ugly, blubbery, bow-legged broad, with butchered hair. Boorish and cantankerous at best.
Boundaries were breached, she hit Bobby below the belt… but blow for blow he was the best beast in battle.